Dreams Come True

I just finished reading a friends blog.....she wrote about a work experience, where a kid came in, got his 1st national team uniform for the Pan Am games in Houston. He was SSOOO excited! He tried everything on, he wanted pix to show everyone. He grinned like a little kid on Christmas morning. It was a "dream come true" for this young man, and Kate got to share it with him.  I felt jealous.
The only time on a psych unit that I get to see people dance with joy is when we admit a Bipolar patient in the midst of an acute manic episode. It's slightly amusing, but not always pretty.
So I had to stop and think....did I witness any joy, did I see a dream come true?  Well, no. But (always seeking the silver lining) I hope I did see a dream start. Or at least a step in the right direction....and it will be a long walk with millions of steps. I'll call her....Tiffany. She was admitted to us after her 2nd serious suicide attempt in less than 8 weeks. Although she is only in her 20's, she has spent just under 1/2 of her life in institutions. Her history is a series of traumas and one disaster after another. She of course, has Borderline Personality Disorder, along with a mood disorder, PTSD, substance abuse...
The change I saw was that we went from angry despair and hopelessness to cracking the door of hope open, just a tiny bit. Yes, I used the word "we", because the path is a joint journey. 1st I dragged her, then I could get beside her, and finally I could nudge her from behind, towards the door. She was the only one who could decide to turn the knob and find a glimmer of hope.
"Hope is a waking dream" : Aristotle
 Of completed suicides; 20% had a mood disorder, 15% had a personality disorder; 10% had substance abuse disorders. I am not naive. I do not have the power to make someone decide to live.
Maybe it's my dream. My hope at work is always the same. If I can help one person to choose life over suicide I have succeeded, if I can help one person out of that profound darkness, I have succeeded.
So this week, my dream came true. I can't speak for tomorrow, but I will celebrate today!

Say "Yes to the Dress"

Most nurses cringe when they are assigned to work with a borderline personality disordered patient.  I know this will make me sound as sick as my patients, but I LOVE THEM!! My sarcastic humor is built in DBT!
Nina was in this week...actually she has been in for several weeks. She was admitted with suicidal ideation just 3 days after getting engaged. This does not bode well for a 50th anniversary party, but none the less, she likes the idea that someone wants to marry her. Problem is they met in our cozy home a few years back. Only she doesn't remember him. She was in the middle of a course of ECT, which doesn't always cause memory loss, but I guess it did that time around. Maybe that should have been his 1st hint-but he missed it. They met up again a year or so later, and he told her how they met, and he's been carrying a torch ever since.
Nina likes to cut or burn her body. I'm OK with that. Unfortunately she keeps trying to bait me into some argument how I should be all upset about this. Nope, sorry, ain't going there. I just say "hey, when your doing well, and ya look down at your arms, your gonna constantly be reminded of all that pain. Sorta stops ya from moving on eh?".  Then she shows me a tattoo she got on her wrist where she had a nice burn scar-exactly, like I was saying. Now, the future mother in law wants to plan her big day...almost every detail, including maybe....wearing her wedding gown?? (Nina's mom passed away....we talked a lot about that, she carved the word "Mom" on her hand, but it kept healing and fading away..."sorta like grief is supposed to do?"). Problem is future MIL wants to have a summer wedding. "Most people do get married in the summer" I remind her. The question is why did it take me FOUR days to put 2+2 together? But when I finally had my "ah ha" moment, I nearly peed my pants I laughed so hard. Nina laughed with me. Future mother in laws dress has short sleeves for the beautiful summer day!!!!  It's too bad I didn't have a copy of a pix from my wedding day, with sheer long sleeves.
Hey, for me, it was just the right dress.