Katie Clifford, the author of the blog Replikate http://replikate.blogspot.com/ posted a song by Melanie. Folk singer and songwriter of the late 60's and 70's. Woke up a memory for me.
I'm lovin it!
Showing posts with label psych nurse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psych nurse. Show all posts
Monday, May 21, 2012
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Dreams Come True
I just finished reading a friends blog.....she wrote about a work experience, where a kid came in, got his 1st national team uniform for the Pan Am games in Houston. He was SSOOO excited! He tried everything on, he wanted pix to show everyone. He grinned like a little kid on Christmas morning. It was a "dream come true" for this young man, and Kate got to share it with him. I felt jealous.
The only time on a psych unit that I get to see people dance with joy is when we admit a Bipolar patient in the midst of an acute manic episode. It's slightly amusing, but not always pretty.
So I had to stop and think....did I witness any joy, did I see a dream come true? Well, no. But (always seeking the silver lining) I hope I did see a dream start. Or at least a step in the right direction....and it will be a long walk with millions of steps. I'll call her....Tiffany. She was admitted to us after her 2nd serious suicide attempt in less than 8 weeks. Although she is only in her 20's, she has spent just under 1/2 of her life in institutions. Her history is a series of traumas and one disaster after another. She of course, has Borderline Personality Disorder, along with a mood disorder, PTSD, substance abuse...
The change I saw was that we went from angry despair and hopelessness to cracking the door of hope open, just a tiny bit. Yes, I used the word "we", because the path is a joint journey. 1st I dragged her, then I could get beside her, and finally I could nudge her from behind, towards the door. She was the only one who could decide to turn the knob and find a glimmer of hope.
"Hope is a waking dream" : Aristotle
Of completed suicides; 20% had a mood disorder, 15% had a personality disorder; 10% had substance abuse disorders. I am not naive. I do not have the power to make someone decide to live.
Maybe it's my dream. My hope at work is always the same. If I can help one person to choose life over suicide I have succeeded, if I can help one person out of that profound darkness, I have succeeded.
So this week, my dream came true. I can't speak for tomorrow, but I will celebrate today!
The only time on a psych unit that I get to see people dance with joy is when we admit a Bipolar patient in the midst of an acute manic episode. It's slightly amusing, but not always pretty.
So I had to stop and think....did I witness any joy, did I see a dream come true? Well, no. But (always seeking the silver lining) I hope I did see a dream start. Or at least a step in the right direction....and it will be a long walk with millions of steps. I'll call her....Tiffany. She was admitted to us after her 2nd serious suicide attempt in less than 8 weeks. Although she is only in her 20's, she has spent just under 1/2 of her life in institutions. Her history is a series of traumas and one disaster after another. She of course, has Borderline Personality Disorder, along with a mood disorder, PTSD, substance abuse...
The change I saw was that we went from angry despair and hopelessness to cracking the door of hope open, just a tiny bit. Yes, I used the word "we", because the path is a joint journey. 1st I dragged her, then I could get beside her, and finally I could nudge her from behind, towards the door. She was the only one who could decide to turn the knob and find a glimmer of hope.
"Hope is a waking dream" : Aristotle
Of completed suicides; 20% had a mood disorder, 15% had a personality disorder; 10% had substance abuse disorders. I am not naive. I do not have the power to make someone decide to live.
Maybe it's my dream. My hope at work is always the same. If I can help one person to choose life over suicide I have succeeded, if I can help one person out of that profound darkness, I have succeeded.
So this week, my dream came true. I can't speak for tomorrow, but I will celebrate today!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Treatment Failure; The Thin Man update
The Thin Man.
I am terribly sad about this....I learned at work a few weeks back that the medical examiners office (from a state about 12 hours drive from us) called one of our social workers, then spoke with the MD. My wonderful, brilliant, humorous and handsome patient is dead. I try really hard not to cry at work, but when I got in my car, I cried.
In my line of work, what happened to him is referred to as "Folie a deux", and it's pretty rare. In other words, he and his wife shared their insanity. To illustrate: she ONLY came to see him on day of discharge to pick him up, and even then brought a VERY well know PhD and friend with her. She was afraid we would lock her up, she didn't know "the rules" of what you must say to get admitted to a psych hospital. He had prevented her admission to our hospital years before, with a convincing argument with the ER doc.
But, here's the word on the unit about it......she drove him to a hospital. She went into the ER and said her husband was in the car, and not well. No doubt the ER nurses and techs ran out to the car....and found a very dead man. In fact the ME reports he had probably been dead between 8-12 hours. Probably from starvation and dehydration. This is a very painful way to die. There was no need for this to happen. This is what we call "total treatment failure". In psych, we don't normally have a lot of deaths. Yes, an occasional suicide, or sometimes even natural causes. But this???? It breaks my heart.
His siblings from around the globe actually called us, when they couldn't get him on the phone. Not the police, not his internist, and of course they had already spoken with his wife....who wouldn't ever put him on the phone. His social worker did call the police, who did do a "safety check". That means they forced his wife to have him to come to the door so they could see he was there and alive.
His wife failed him.
His sisters and brothers failed him.
His friends failed him.
Our society failed him.
His world failed him.
I failed him.
I have always thought we should have a mechanism in place to "follow up" with our patients. I always write our phone number on the discharge instructions and say "please call if you have any questions, ask for me, I'll try to address your concerns, because it's so much easier than an ER visit". Many patients have indeed called. I think we should make that phone call. But I have never pushed for this to happen.
Say a prayer tonight for "The Thin Man".
While your at it, say one for me.
I am terribly sad about this....I learned at work a few weeks back that the medical examiners office (from a state about 12 hours drive from us) called one of our social workers, then spoke with the MD. My wonderful, brilliant, humorous and handsome patient is dead. I try really hard not to cry at work, but when I got in my car, I cried.
In my line of work, what happened to him is referred to as "Folie a deux", and it's pretty rare. In other words, he and his wife shared their insanity. To illustrate: she ONLY came to see him on day of discharge to pick him up, and even then brought a VERY well know PhD and friend with her. She was afraid we would lock her up, she didn't know "the rules" of what you must say to get admitted to a psych hospital. He had prevented her admission to our hospital years before, with a convincing argument with the ER doc.
But, here's the word on the unit about it......she drove him to a hospital. She went into the ER and said her husband was in the car, and not well. No doubt the ER nurses and techs ran out to the car....and found a very dead man. In fact the ME reports he had probably been dead between 8-12 hours. Probably from starvation and dehydration. This is a very painful way to die. There was no need for this to happen. This is what we call "total treatment failure". In psych, we don't normally have a lot of deaths. Yes, an occasional suicide, or sometimes even natural causes. But this???? It breaks my heart.
His siblings from around the globe actually called us, when they couldn't get him on the phone. Not the police, not his internist, and of course they had already spoken with his wife....who wouldn't ever put him on the phone. His social worker did call the police, who did do a "safety check". That means they forced his wife to have him to come to the door so they could see he was there and alive.
His wife failed him.
His sisters and brothers failed him.
His friends failed him.
Our society failed him.
His world failed him.
I failed him.
I have always thought we should have a mechanism in place to "follow up" with our patients. I always write our phone number on the discharge instructions and say "please call if you have any questions, ask for me, I'll try to address your concerns, because it's so much easier than an ER visit". Many patients have indeed called. I think we should make that phone call. But I have never pushed for this to happen.
Say a prayer tonight for "The Thin Man".
While your at it, say one for me.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Say "Yes to the Dress"
Most nurses cringe when they are assigned to work with a borderline personality disordered patient. I know this will make me sound as sick as my patients, but I LOVE THEM!! My sarcastic humor is built in DBT!
Nina was in this week...actually she has been in for several weeks. She was admitted with suicidal ideation just 3 days after getting engaged. This does not bode well for a 50th anniversary party, but none the less, she likes the idea that someone wants to marry her. Problem is they met in our cozy home a few years back. Only she doesn't remember him. She was in the middle of a course of ECT, which doesn't always cause memory loss, but I guess it did that time around. Maybe that should have been his 1st hint-but he missed it. They met up again a year or so later, and he told her how they met, and he's been carrying a torch ever since.
Nina likes to cut or burn her body. I'm OK with that. Unfortunately she keeps trying to bait me into some argument how I should be all upset about this. Nope, sorry, ain't going there. I just say "hey, when your doing well, and ya look down at your arms, your gonna constantly be reminded of all that pain. Sorta stops ya from moving on eh?". Then she shows me a tattoo she got on her wrist where she had a nice burn scar-exactly, like I was saying. Now, the future mother in law wants to plan her big day...almost every detail, including maybe....wearing her wedding gown?? (Nina's mom passed away....we talked a lot about that, she carved the word "Mom" on her hand, but it kept healing and fading away..."sorta like grief is supposed to do?"). Problem is future MIL wants to have a summer wedding. "Most people do get married in the summer" I remind her. The question is why did it take me FOUR days to put 2+2 together? But when I finally had my "ah ha" moment, I nearly peed my pants I laughed so hard. Nina laughed with me. Future mother in laws dress has short sleeves for the beautiful summer day!!!! It's too bad I didn't have a copy of a pix from my wedding day, with sheer long sleeves.
Hey, for me, it was just the right dress.
Nina was in this week...actually she has been in for several weeks. She was admitted with suicidal ideation just 3 days after getting engaged. This does not bode well for a 50th anniversary party, but none the less, she likes the idea that someone wants to marry her. Problem is they met in our cozy home a few years back. Only she doesn't remember him. She was in the middle of a course of ECT, which doesn't always cause memory loss, but I guess it did that time around. Maybe that should have been his 1st hint-but he missed it. They met up again a year or so later, and he told her how they met, and he's been carrying a torch ever since.
Nina likes to cut or burn her body. I'm OK with that. Unfortunately she keeps trying to bait me into some argument how I should be all upset about this. Nope, sorry, ain't going there. I just say "hey, when your doing well, and ya look down at your arms, your gonna constantly be reminded of all that pain. Sorta stops ya from moving on eh?". Then she shows me a tattoo she got on her wrist where she had a nice burn scar-exactly, like I was saying. Now, the future mother in law wants to plan her big day...almost every detail, including maybe....wearing her wedding gown?? (Nina's mom passed away....we talked a lot about that, she carved the word "Mom" on her hand, but it kept healing and fading away..."sorta like grief is supposed to do?"). Problem is future MIL wants to have a summer wedding. "Most people do get married in the summer" I remind her. The question is why did it take me FOUR days to put 2+2 together? But when I finally had my "ah ha" moment, I nearly peed my pants I laughed so hard. Nina laughed with me. Future mother in laws dress has short sleeves for the beautiful summer day!!!! It's too bad I didn't have a copy of a pix from my wedding day, with sheer long sleeves.
Hey, for me, it was just the right dress.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
People are treacherous creatures!
One of my patients is back. Not unusual at all. I don't know why, but I get along pretty well with this fellow. Most of my coworkers see him as cold and bitter, but for some reason he cracks me up. He worked as a psych tech in his previous healthy life, so he's been in "the business" so to speak. Well the last time he was in I asked him to make some sort of a list...maybe the pro's and con's of having a disabling illness (yes kids, there are pro's, but that's another post entirely), maybe his strengths and weakness's....neither of us could remember. What I do remember was that the 1st thing on the list was his view of humankind, "people are treacherous creatures". That was the moment we connected as 2 people vs nurse/patient. Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with him, and I don't normally laugh "at" my patients, but this slammed my funny bone! I laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face, and I couldn't stop. So why was that a "moment"? Because he started laughing with me. It took him a bit, but we all know what it's like to be sitting with someone who is busting a gut laughing! You either storm out of the room (looking back I'm surprised he didn't) or you join in...and he joined me. So he has joined the ranks of "my favorite patients", and it's not a very long list.
This stay?? We have something new to add to our list of secret laughs. He was telling me why he couldn't return to his current residence. Gangs, cops and his internist. They are all in it together. I LOVE THIS!!! So he's going through this long convoluted story and I say to him "geez, you have a fixed delusional system"! It was an "ah ha" moment for me. He didn't like the idea (can't say as I would either). In fact he got a little defensive...duh! The next morning when I brought him his meds, as I was leaving the room he said, "and I do NOT have fixed delusions". I said "oh yes you do" and dashed out of the room before he tried to explain why he didn't. I didn't have time. See that's the thing about fixed delusions. They are FIXED!!! There is no convincing him otherwise. The good news is that the ECT he was having did not effect his short term memory. What would I do if it did?? He would forget that "people are treacherous creatures" and that his world is a fixed delusion. And then what would we laugh about?
This stay?? We have something new to add to our list of secret laughs. He was telling me why he couldn't return to his current residence. Gangs, cops and his internist. They are all in it together. I LOVE THIS!!! So he's going through this long convoluted story and I say to him "geez, you have a fixed delusional system"! It was an "ah ha" moment for me. He didn't like the idea (can't say as I would either). In fact he got a little defensive...duh! The next morning when I brought him his meds, as I was leaving the room he said, "and I do NOT have fixed delusions". I said "oh yes you do" and dashed out of the room before he tried to explain why he didn't. I didn't have time. See that's the thing about fixed delusions. They are FIXED!!! There is no convincing him otherwise. The good news is that the ECT he was having did not effect his short term memory. What would I do if it did?? He would forget that "people are treacherous creatures" and that his world is a fixed delusion. And then what would we laugh about?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)